19 Days!!! 8/30/10

8/29/10 Day 18

Today Lincoln reached 4 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day #17 8/28

Lincoln is up to 1810 grams today, which, by my calculation is 3 pounds and 15.8458712 ounces!!! Maybe he'll be up to 4 pounds tomorrow! So exciting! I spent six hours with Link this afternoon, two care times (with 2 poopy diapers), 2 kangaroo care times, 2 nursing attempts, and 2 pumping sessions. Link just loves to nuzzle! He's also been bumped up to 36 ml of milk every three hours, so I imagine he'll keep growing like a little weed!

I'm trying to figure out if he has features that look like mine or Brent's, but he just seems too little to have locked into his looks! I think he's got my nose, and obviously he's got Brent's extra dark brown hair...but other than that, I don't know! What do you think?

8/27 Day 16

Today was another good day with our little man. Lincoln is up to 1770 grams...which I think is nearly 4 lbs. Now that he's not having his temperature controlled, we wrap him up like a burrito (Brent calls him a torpedo), and it's so adorable!

Today a harpist came in to the NICU and played for an hour or so! It was so cool! The heavenly, soothing music was perfect for all those little angels! I talked to her as she was leaving and found out that she comes a couple times a week (though she's been away on vacation for awhile, which is why I've not seen her before) and has been for years. She was born here at St. Joe's and in the NICU as an infant for 63 days! I was so impressed at her desire to continue to give back to the unit that gave her life! She's probably about my age.

I met with a lactation specialist today to get some tips on introducing Link to nursing. One idea she gave me was to soothe him with my pinky on the roof of his mouth rather than the binky. The binky is good because he practices sucking, but my pinky is better because he gets the smell and taste of me, plus I can get a feel for how he's developing his little mechanism. I'm getting frustrated because feeding is the only thing left he has to do...but it's the one that takes the longest, the most patience, and the most development on his part. Even some full term babies have serious problems with it. Let's hope that he's as precocious in this as in everything else.

It's funny....had Lincoln still been in the womb, he'd only be at 32 weeks now. I'd have 8 more weeks of pregnancy in front of me! I guess, if you try to count the blessings in a rough circumstance, one could look on the bright side and say "Hey, I gained 20 lbs in my pregnancy and lost 15 of them all in one day!" I suppose I would have had a lot more work to do had I given birth in October! Now, it's Link that has to do all the work, and sometimes I just feel so miserably guilty for that. I know I shouldn't. We have no known cause for his early birth. As far as we know, I did everything right. I ate well. I kept up mild exercise. I was getting good sleep and not stressing about anything (at least since school had been out) and I've never done drugs or alcohol a day in my life. One could theorize and wonder, and the doctors even did tests to see if it was an infection or something, but, at the end of the day, only the Lord knows the big plan.

15 days of life and a BIG BOY bed!

Lincoln got to move into a big boy bed today!!! He now can control his own temperature so no longer needs the isolette! Yay! No more changing his diaper through two little holes! He also gained 36 grams since yesterday! Brent was able to escape a couple times during his work day to come over and visit Link and I at St. Joe's. We love our little guy soooooo much!!! It's funny, today I had someone tell me "Oh, don't worry, you have 18 years to get sick of Lincoln." My thought was just how I would love nothing more than to just cuddle with him ALL DAY LONG!

2 weeks and running!

Well, the first good news is that our little Link has regained and exceeded his birth weight! He's now 3 pounds 11 1/2 oz. For those of you who don't know how it works, here's an explanation: babies are born with extra weight to deal with the stress of labor and that initial life outside the uterus, and that weight is then lost. Additionally, many of the IV fluids used during labor (and I had lots, as I was in labor for 5 days) are lost in those initial days of life. It is normal for babies to lose about 5% of their birth weight and then return back to birth weight within 2-3 weeks of life. So, we're hoping that he just keeps fattening up! He is still on 33 ml of milk every 3 hours. The milk has been fortified with 4 extra calories per ounce, vitamin D, protein (as of yesterday), and new today, a multi-vitamin to help aid in healthy growth. Dude, wouldn't it just be easier to give the guy a slice of pizza!

Today we were joyed by a visit from Brent's cousins, Brad (from Arizona) and Brenda (from California). They were so excited to see our little guy, and it was fun to visit with them over lunch and show them how Lincoln's little life is working these days. They even got to witness a good poopy diaper!

We also got a sweet little package in the mail from a dear sister in my home ward (Coeur d'Alene), Linda Edwards! She sent the cutest little soft (stuffed animal-like) baseball, football, basketball and soccer ball! She had already gotten us a gift at my shower in Coeur d'Alene! What a thoughtful and wonderful lady Linda is!!!

We are continually touched by the prayers and well-wishes from all over the world. Thank you all, and God bless!

13th day of life!!! 8/24

Link looks a little dazed and confused in this one, but I love how little he looks next to the teddy bear that Tim and Hayley got for him.




Lincoln was so darn cute today. His nurse got me excited because she was talking about how great he's doing and how he hasn't had any complications, etc. and then encouraged me to make sure I was ready for his homecoming with the carseat, crib, etc. Now, I'm trying NOT to get my hopes up, because I know how long he's supposed to be in there, but this is really soon!!! Brent keeps reminding me that initially they tell everyone not to hope for anything before the original due date (his is Oct. 22nd) because he wants to protect me from an emotional breakdown, but I'm just gonna go ahead and hope anyway!!!!! So, now that we have the crib put together, I went out and bought the crib mattress this evening and am washing all the sheets, blankets, etc. I'm excited to have it all put together. Link tried at nursing again today and did decently. He's starting to do those cute little baby things like holding me with his little hands and looking at me while he tries to feed. Love it. Brent was able to escape from the hospital across the street where he's currently in his medicine rotation a couple times today and visit us! Isn't he cute in his white coat? I've got the cutest boys in the world!

12 DAYS OLD 08/23

Link gained 60 grams since yesterday!!!!! What a chunker, eh? Ha ha. Today was Brent's first day on his internal medicine hospital rotation (across the street from Link's hospital actually) so I figured that this was the last I'd see of him for a couple months. I had been at the hospital for about three hours with Link when Brent called and said "Hey, I'm done. I'm coming over." I was shocked because it was only like 3:00 in the afternoon! So we got to have some good family time together today. Link was pretty fussy today until his feedings came along. It's making me wonder if they should up his amounts again. He was moved into a more basic isolette, as he no longer needs all the fanciness of the "giraffe." It frees up a ton of space in his little room, so we love that, as it has previously always been quite crowed if more than just Brent and I are there. Link and I spent a good long time kangarooing and listening to Bach concertos today. He says that he prefers the joy and lightheartedness of Mozart's works, so I'll oblige him tomorrow. Don't tell his Dad! Brent's a big fan of the opressive organ and harpsichord. :) I love to rub my cheeks against his soft little head. His hair is so silky! I hope he doesn't lose it, cause with all that cute dark hair, I could really get some stylish dos going on! At one point today, Link was awake and looking around with those big confused eyes of his. I looked at him and said "Link, why are you so darn cute," which was immediately followed by him crossing his eyes together! Brent and I both laughed out loud, because it was right on cue. He learned that from DaVinci, I'm sure. We took another crack at nursing today with mild success. It's hard cause he's just so little...I don't know how to hold him!! I think I'll bring in my Boppy tomorrow. I think that'll help. Today we got a big package in the mail from Steve and Melissa (Brent's brother and sister-in-law). Liss is super crafty and made the most adorable stuff for Link. She made a really cute blanket, receiving blanket, bib, 2 binky holders, 3 personalized onsies, a hooded towel, a wipe wallet, and then included a bunch of clothes and stuff that their little boy used a couple years ago. Talk about a stellar surprise! Thanks so much guys! I think that'll help. I was overwhelmed with a sweet appreciation and love for motherhood today. I spent several hours just holding our little guy and thinking about what it means to be a mother. In the past both Brent and I have been somewhat afraid of starting a family. I've worried, at times, that that "motherly instinct" wouldn't kick in or something and that I wouldn't be good at parenting. Today I felt such joy just holding our little Lincoln to my chest and quieting his tiny cries. He needs me! He needs me more than anyone else ever has! I'm so happy just to respond to those needs and love him. This is going to be a joyful journey indeed.

Grand Teton Climb

Isn't my hubby the hottest and grizzliest guy around? (okay, not so grizzly, but he's tough!) Look at these pics from his latest date with a mountain, and you'll see what I mean! The Grand Teton may not quite be a fourteener in height, but it's ridiculous in technical requirements. Glad he came back alive! :)

11 days in the NICU 8/22

Brent and I headed straight to the hospital after sacrament meeting today to see our little guy. He's so precious! We started off the visit with care time (diaper, temperature, vitals), then some kangaroo time, and rounds. Once again, he's doing great, but progress will be slow for awhile. They're keeping him at 33 ml of my milk every 3 hours, but now raising the fortification from 22 calories per oz. to 24. We'll get him fattened up in no time! Ha ha. He's kind of a long skinny thing, so it might take awhile! We tried nursing again. He's getting used to it...a couple little sucks, then a lot of wide-eyed looking around, an adjusting of his mouth, taste of a drop of milk...it looks like he's really thinking about it! It's still very early to see much improvement in that arena, but I figure that a little exposure to it each day while he's receiving the milk from his feeding tube will help him associate the full tummy with the invasion. :) We were privileged to have a visit from my step-brother Roland, his wife Marci and their 3 kiddos, Noah, Emma, and Kaisa today. They were passing through on their way back to Virginia and wanted to meet the little guy. They gave us the cutest little dinosaur outfit that's in premie size, so it's perfect! We also were visited by Brent's med school/mountaineering buddies, Luke and Corey and Corey's wife, Kim who have been dying to meet Lincoln. We are so blessed to have such great friends, and the visits are great because they make the long 4-5 hour hospital visits more like a party! It's fun to show our little guy off. Yesterday we finally rememebered to bring in a little cd player and some cds of Bach and Mozart. We've got to get those little neurons connecting! Heaven knows I'm a big believer in the healing power of music...and whether or not Brent thinks that it's "evidence based" or not, he's a big fan of the classics. Ha ha...with all this good music exposure and those long fingers, Lincoln will be playing at Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts in no time!!!

10 days in the NICU 8/21

Lincoln gained 40 grams since yesterday! Yahoo! Other than that...not a lot of change in status, as I expect that from here on out it's just a lot of waiting for him to grow. Our good friends Dave and Cara were so wonderful as to bring us lunch at the hospital and come for a visit. They have a two year-old and a 2 month old girl, so coming to visit us in the hospital certainly wasn't convenient. We're blessed with great friends. We also were visited by Brent's dad, Doug, as he was in town attending the temple. Link loves his Opa!

9 days old (31 weeks with time in the belly) 8/20/10

Lincoln was great today. He's so fun and wiggly and adorable! His feedings are now up to 33 ml every three hours. My milk has about 20 calories per oz. and they're now fortifying it to 22 calories per oz. I know, big deal, right? Actually, it's a bit of a shock on a baby's belly. Lincoln spit up a little because of it, so the nurse gave him his next feeding over a period of 45 minutes rather than 30, and it went just fine. He's also now starting to gain weight back again (babies lose weight for a few days, then gain back to their birth weight and then go crazy). I got a solid two straight hours of kangaroo time. Then daddy got to change Link's diaper and he peed all over the place! Typical boy! We tried nursing again, but Link acted kind of wide-eyed and dumb-founded, so I guess we'll try another day. It was pretty funny actually. He's still really early. Brent had kangaroo time too. Needless to say, we're getting a lot of reading in at the hospital! It was a good day. No tears!

8 days old 8/19/10

Lincoln finally got rid of his IVs!!! He's up to 30 ml of breast milk every 3 hours and tolerating it really well. He amazes me with his strength. He frequently lifts his head up like a little turtle, and, when on his tummy, pushes his bum high in the air with his legs straight down and stretched out. It's pretty cute. Today I was changing a poopy diaper (which turned into three poopy diapers) as he continued to poo each time I put a new one on him! Ha ha....stinkin' Lincoln! We had a good lengthy kangaroo care time and then a conference with his doctor and primary nurse. They didn't really tell us anything new, but we did solidify the fact that we really can't expect him home before 6 weeks (so five weeks from now). Lincoln hasn't had any complications and everything his gone swimmingly, but Dr. Chen assured me that things do pop up and sometimes babies are kept until their original due date (his is Oct. 22nd) or even later. I like to continue in our optimistic hopes that his fighting spirit will continue onward and bring him home sooner than expected. I continue to have a hard time when we're not around him. I'm blaming most of it on the "baby blues" hormones that are going mad throughout my body, but not going home with our boy makes it even more difficult. I was at the grocery store today, noticing all the frustrated and angry mothers with their noisy kids. The moms were saying things like "I can't believe you" or "I can't take you anywhere." I would be so happy just to have him with me. I would be so happy to wake up in the middle of the night and feed a baby instead of pump from a machine. It puts things into perspective, and I hope that I can remember this forever...when Link grows up more and gets "annoying"...I hope I'll just remember how much I ached at his absence while he was in the NICU and couldn't think about anything else...about the tears shed every day...and the seemingly endless waiting we had to go through just to bring our little guy home like every other normal couple that has a newborn. Count your blessings, right?

Happy 1 Week, Lincoln!!! 8/18

Wow...it's been a whirlwind of a week, but somehow I can't believe a week has passed already. I cried again this morning because, when we arrived, I saw that his IV was yet again in a new place. The nurse assured be that it's nothing odd---babies just don't do well with IVs. It just hurts me to know that he has to keep going through that.

Mom made several little receiving blankets and burp rags for us that we'll now use in the NICU. They encourage us to bring in our own things so we feel a sense of ownership and parenthood in an abnormal circumstance. Mom had to say goodbye to little Link today, as she flew home this afternoon. She was so sad, knowing that he'd grow astronomically before she'd see him again. THANK HEAVEN! I want him to get big and pudgy! Mom has been so great to help us along every step of the way. Thanks, mom!

This afternoon, Lincoln had a cranial ultrasound. It's a standard procedure taken with micropremies (premies up to 32 weeks) to determine if they have any bleeding in the brain. Tomorrow we conference with his care team to kind of get on the same page and develop a plan and go over the results of the ultrasound. Hopefully all is well. Brent and I are currently trying to develop a regular visit plan, as driving the half hour there and half hour back multiple times a day is wearing on us and leaving us with very little time. I may do a single, very lengthy visit instead of twice a day for a couple hours. We'll see. I get so anxious to see him with any long periods of time in between. It's hard. I wont lie. Nothing makes me feel better than just being with my little dude.

OKAY...NEW INFO!!!!!! We just went back to visit Lincoln tonight, and the most exciting thing happened! The nurse that was on at the time was commenting on how ahead of his time Lincoln is and then asked if he had been sucking on a binkie or anything and how much milk I was producing. We let her know that he was indeed doing a lot of sucking and that I was producing plenty. She then decided that we should just try nursing. Usually they don't really do that until 32 weeks or so, but we went ahead and tried and IT WORKED!!!!!!!! Lincoln fed for about 10 minutes and then fell into a deep sleep! It felt like such a victory! He's so young, and is still on a feeding tube, but we're going to get him fattened long before expected if we keep this up! I can't describe really how happy it made us. Better feeding means better progression and therefore an earlier time home. This is soooooooooooooo exciting! It's worth the tears!

Day 6 in the World! 8/17

I was greeted by Lincoln's nurse and doctor both when I went to see him this morning. They were looking unusually cheery. They told me to see if I noticed anything different. NO MORE PHOTOTHERAPY! AND NO MORE NASAL CANNULA! He's becoming more and more independent as we continue on! The doctor said that his only issue is he's kind of a "hard stick" with the IVs. Just like his mom. They can't use his left leg due to his birthmark, so they're limited as to where they can stick him. The good news is that he's tolerating his feedings and they're increasing his amounts every 12 hours. I think he's up to 15 ml per feeding now. If they can continue to do that, they wont need the supplemental vitamins and whatnot from the IV and can stop sticking the poor kid. Unfortuntately, when we returned later this evening, he had his IV in his scalp! I know it sounds terrible, and I cried when they warned me that it had been done, but the truth is that it is very normal and it doesn't hurt. The veins in the scalp are bigger and better. Hopefully it'll stay in this one for awhile. Additionally, they're going to be fortifying my milk...adding vitamin D. Doctor Chen says that no one gets enough vitamin D, so it's normal to do as such. Brent got his first kangaroo care time with Link tonight. SO CUTE! The boys chilled and reclined, and I read to them from Brent's latest book of tales of mountaineering. I also got a nurse who told me that if I wanted Mom to touch him then I had the right to let her. Previous nurses had said only mommy and daddy. So, momma got to lay her hands on him a bit and I think it satisfied her greatly to do so. It was a good day.

Day 5 in the World 8/16

We had a lot of new stuff to learn today! I went the NICU and pumped first thing. Okay, maybe it's TMI but it's a huge part of life right now and so essential for Lincoln. The nurse on at that time said that she looked at my milk supply in the freezer and was shocked at how much there was after only five days. Yay! Lincoln will not starve!!! I got to do "kangaroo kare" time again. Love it. I feel as though it's so therapeutic for both of us. Later I learned to give Link a neonatal massage. Preemies have a hard time with all the overstimulation in the world...touch, sounds, everything can be stressful to them. The massage helps them recognize that touch is good and it really soothed Link. You could see him relaxing not only physically, but on the monitors as well. It was fun, and we'll do it every day now when we visit. I took his laundry home and washed it and added some of our blankets and clothes to the mix. They encourage parents to do as much of that "normal" stuff as possible to help us feel needed. It was fun to do a whole load of little baby things! This evening I visited again accompanied by our good friends Tim and Hayley. It was so fun to just hold him and visit with friends. Tim and Hayley are so wonderful and they just love the NICU, as she is a dietician/lactation specialist and he hopes to be a neonatologist. Naturally, they were smitten by our handsome little guy! I managed to make it through today without getting any post-partum tears at all, so that's an accomplishment! I feel overwhelmed with optimism concerning Link's condition, as it has been reinforced countless times by his care team. I know the Lord loves him and is watching over him. And, though the wait is long, I know that someday Lincoln will be here at home with us...just hanging out...and we'll be a happy little family forever!

Day 4 in the World

I got to have "Kangaroo Kare" time with Link today. It was AWESOME! Extensive studies have shown that skin-to-skin contact between baby and mommy dramatically increases the health of little preemies. It is said to help with lactation, breathing, sleep, weight gain, creating antibodies for the new environment, etc. So, today, I got to hold my little guy against my bare chest and recline in a comfy chair and just enjoy. It was fantastic, and it made Lincoln so calm and content. We did it again at my evening visit, and it proved to be equally satisfying for both myself and him. Link's nurses continue to comment on his vigor and good health. They call him "feisty" because he likes to wiggle so much. They curl all sorts of rolled up blankets and shaped pillows around him to make him feel contained as though in the womb. He's now taking 6 ml of my milk at feeding times, and seems to be gaining weight! Brent helped me in a difficult moment to recognize a blessing in the midst of this hard time. Had Lincoln not come early, that's two months less that we would have had to enjoy his little Spirit. Sure, he would have been in the womb...but the bond and reality of a child-parent relationship obviously grows far more once the little guy comes into the world. We get bonus months!!! I love my boys.